These are posts from my previous blog, http://blogs.parent24.com/jessicaviljoen/ that I wanted to share on this blog.
Contemplating
the First 6 Months of Motherhood – 27 April 2011
Now that Mia
is well into her 7th month, I feel I can sit back and reflect on the
first six months of being a mom. Honestly. Because I know, you forget the hard
times – the good memories remain. Which is a good thing – but I do want to
remember my honest account of the first half-year of being a mom, too! What a
rollercoaster ride it’s been! Motherhood is a hostile takeover of your life –
and nobody told me this beforehand.
I knew that
babies are helpless little beings, that cry, that wake often, and that need you
24/7 – but I didn’t ever consider a reflux baby who wakes every hour and is so
clingy there’s sometimes no time for a bathroom break, never mind a lunch
break. I knew I would sometimes feel overwhelmed – but I didn’t ever consider
feeling so thrown-in-the-deep-end that I sob and scream into my pillow. And
then – I knew… I was going to learn what unconditional love was – but I didn’t
ever consider that it was so tender, gentle, amazing, inspiring and precious,
that my heart feels like it could just burst with trying to keep it all in.
I often hear
that people say, when they’ve had a baby, it’s the best time of their lives. I
wouldn’t say that. It was too up-and-down for me. Too extreme. Too big of an
adjustment.
You hear of
the sleep deprivation… you imagine it… And then, you’re in the middle of it –
and it’s hard! But I managed. I coped. I felt frustrated – but it never
affected the tender love for my little girl.
You hear of
the 24/7 duty of being a mom… you imagine it… And then, you’re in the middle of
it – and sometimes you need an escape. It’s OK! I go to the gym, I leave baby
girl with Cecelia the domestic worker and I see clients, I do grocery shopping,
I meet my sister for lunch, and I go to book club once a month – and I breathe
a sigh of relief as I savour my escape. Then, I miss my baby girl so much that
I can’t wait to get back home and hold her, hug her tight, smell her, and kiss
her.
The first six
weeks, especially, I found very trying. You’re doing so, so much for this
little stranger that has invaded your life – and you’re not getting much
gratitude or reward in return. I felt silly, talking or singing to this tiny
person who could barely focus her eyes or lift her head. Then, slowly but
surely, things start changing – baby starts smiling, coo’ing, reacting to your voice
and face, touching you, looking for you, laughing, hugging, kissing – and wow,
everything is right in the world again!
Motherhood
did not come as naturally to me as I thought it would. It’s a journey filled
with so much emotion, my heart can sometimes not bear it. I have gained so much
new respect for my own mom, and mothers the world over. I have wished so many
times, that my mom lived in the same town as me!
There were
times in the first six months, that I would think to myself, “what have I
gotten myself into?” or, “how did I think I was ready for a baby?” or, “I don’t
think I want another child!” or, very often, “I don’t know what to doooooo!” It
passes. It gets easier. If I had known what I know now – I would still have
wanted a baby. And I do still want another child – although the timeline of a
two-year gap has changed to a three-year gap!
There will
always be something new to deal with. Just when winds and cramps ease, teething
starts. Just when you think the reflux is under control, solids start. And so
it goes on. And it’s an amazing, exciting journey, my baby girl is teaching me
so much every day – each day is filled with awe and wonder – I can’t wait to
see what tomorrow brings!
I have been
truly blessed with an amazing husband who does his fair share and more. My soul
mate, my rock. He took to fatherhood so well, it suits him, he inspires me. We
have a wonderful extended family, filled with our parents and grandparents and
siblings who offer so much love and support as well.
Tonight as I
put little one to sleep, I said a prayer, thanking the Lord for such a blessing
in our lives, asking God to keep her safe and happy, and asking that I be a
good enough mother.
There is
still so much ahead of us, in this journey of parenthood – this rollercoaster
ride is far from over! But I will hold on tight, keep this smile on my face –
and enjoy the ride!
xx
BEING A GOOD MOM AND A GOOD WIFE
3 August 2011
My goals RE being a good wife:
- I love the way
our dinner time is "our time". We always sit at the table, with
music on so that the tv doesn't distract us. This is how we catch up on
each other's day, chat about what's ahead of us, etc. We must always do
this.
- I love how we
go to bed at the same time - and before we switch the light off, it's more
chit-chat time.
- I want to
strive to be happy and smiley when Wyn gets home from work. And I want to
have a mug of coffee waiting for him.
- I want to cook
meals that hubby enjoys - a variety of meals, and including things that we
both like.
- I want to keep
the house neat enough. This keeps me happy too, and provides a general
happy energy.
- We do hug and
kiss often. We must do so even more!
- I must really
try and be finished with my internet time and BlackBerry chats by evening
time as much as possible, so that I don't come across as "I love you,
but I must be online now", which I seem to be doing a lot lately.
- We must try
and do our date lunch more often.
- We must do
family outings often.
- I think I
should invest in a sexy nighty to surprise hubby with. Haven't done that
since our honeymoon 4 years ago!
- We do
communicate very well - and we must always keep these channels open and
remain on the same wavelength.
- We must always
be a team when it comes to our children.
- We must always
reach a compromise whenever there is a disagreement.
- Never, ever go
to bed angry, and never, ever leave the house angry.
- I must
surprise him more often. Be it with a little love letter, a little treat,
dessert after supper... I should do this more.
- I am very good
with thanking him for the wonderful things he does for me, Mia, around the
house, etc. I must make sure he really knows how grateful I am.
- If I'm having
a bad day, I must really concentrate on the good things, and make a
conscious effort to not be bad-tempered or irritable.
- We must go to
church more.
- I am in the
process of reaching my goal weight. I want to feel good and look good, not
just for myself, but for my hubby too. Therefore I take care in my hair,
my skin, my clothes, my scent.
- My husband
must be happy. He must know that he is so loved!
My goals RE being a good mom:
- I love how I
am able to spend so much time with Mia. I love that she knows I am here
for her.
- I want to
ensure that our children grow up in a safe, happy, loving environment -
and they must know it!
- I hope to
instill kindness, honesty and a passion for life in my children.
- Life is
exciting, I want my children to dance and sing and enjoy! And Wyn and I
will do the same with them!
- I want to
ensure that my children get a good education.
- I will always
kiss bruises and eina's better.
- My children
must be able to differentiate between right and wrong, good and bad.
- Good manners
are so, so important.
- Birthdays must
be made a HUGE fuss of!
- I must stay
fit and healthy, so that I can run and play with my kids.
- I want to
spend lots of time with family. My kids must love their grandparents,
aunts and uncles, etc.
- I must not
take my bad mood or feelings of general irritation or frustration out on
my kids, like I sometimes do with our poor doggy.
- My children
must know God. They must walk a path with Him.
- We must pray.
- I want my
children to have a really balanced life. I love the motto,
"everything in moderation is fine!"
- My children
must know what a special bond our family has.
- My children
must know that they can come to me and Wyn about anything in life, we're
always here for them.
- I want to
teach them that disappointment and failure are part of life, but that
standing up, dusting themselves off and carrying on is what's most
important.
- Car trips must
be fun! I must pack snacks, toys and games to ensure this.
- My kids must
be happy. They must know that they are so loved!
These are my goals. I will strive to reach them. I will review this list
every so often, to remind myself, or add to it. Hopefully always patting myself
on the back! :-)
xx
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