Wednesday, May 13, 2015

A note to self: Why two kids is enough for me

I am feeling this need to write a letter to myself, listing the reasons why two kids is enough for me.  Just the other night, while watching Mia playing quietly by herself, a game with her dolls that had kept her busy for most of the afternoon, I said to hubby, I can understand why people have a third child. In three years from now, when Ella also keeps herself occupied and doesn't need me to entertain her all the time, what am I going to do with myself?! I'm going to want another baby!

Also, recently, two friends have said to me that they think I'll have a third baby. Hearing that triggered a rollercoaster of emotions in me, ranging from, "aaaw another tiny body" to "oh shit please no!"

So, I need to put it down on paper, the reasons why I'm done having babies. So that, three years from now, when I'm having a moment of wondering whether I should put the mirena back in or not, I can read this, be reminded, and go on and keep the mirena!

  • Pregnancy first time round was great, second time, not so much - and I can just imagine that third time around even less.  First time pregnancy, I had time to sleep late in the mornings and have an afternoon nap often. Second time around, some afternoon naps with Mia, which was great. But third time around, I imagine there will be none of that.  Preggy aches and pains were more pronounced second time around, like leg cramps, restless leg syndrome, I can just imagine as one gets older these are harder to handle.
  • Birth.  Enough said!
  • Breastfeeding is hard. It's not as easy to do as one would think it is.  Cried many tears of frustration with both my babies.
  • I am not a tiny baby mommy.  The first year of having a baby is hard!!  It's all-consuming, it's a daze of sleep deprivation, milk spit-up, poo nappies, crying (from baby and from mommy!) and just a general state of zombified  ups and downs.
  • I love to sleep.  With a baby in the house, well, sleep becomes a distant memory...  And I know this lack of sleep will one day become the distant memory... but for now, at night, when the baby sound monitor goes on, it feels like a frozen finger touching my brain.  And when I can't get baby back to sleep and she just stands up crying in her cot, and it's 2am... oh gosh, it's hard.
  • Nappies are not fun! Not the explosive nappies that newborns have, or the way that you have to try every trick up your sleeve when baby gets older, to keep them lying still for nappy changes and getting dressed.
  • Everyone said, "the second baby is much easier!" Yes, yes the second baby is easier.  What nobody says though, is, "having two children is much harder!!" Truth. Because it means that constantly, someone needs you. Keeping them both happy at mealtimes. Bathing two bodies, getting two bodies to bed, loading and unloading two bodies in and out of the car...
  • It took me a year to get my body feeling like my own again!  Pregnancy, well, your body is busy building a miracle. After pregnancy, everything is swollen, or saggy, or "just not quite right."  I gained 15kg in 2010 when I was pregnant with Mia. I lost some of them during the first couple of months.  Then I stopped breastfeeding, and gained like 5kg in a month, and carried on with the struggle until I was below pre-preggy weight in May 2013.  Then I fell pregnant, had a miscarriage, fell pregnant again - and proceeded to pick up 20kgs.  Of which I've lost 18 so far.  What a forever struggle!
  • I have worn the same, small, stud earrings for a year now, as I'm too scared my hoop earrings or long dangly earrings cause baby to grab them!
  • The baby proofed house isn't much fun. Dustbins on counter tops, toilet paper can't be on it's dispenser, it has to be out of reach. Tables are without tablecloths.  Everywhere is a potential hazard - watch that baby doesn't climb the stairs, watch her outside so that she doesn't fall off the patio step or crawl into thorns in the garden.
  • Mia watched Lollos over and over and over.  Now we're headed the same way with Ella.  Oh gosh, I love how Lollos keeps them entertained for half an hour, hence the reason why I continue to switch it on every day... But, please, I'm done with Lollos after this!
  • Having to plan things around baby nap times make things difficult... Some people don't struggle with this, they just take their kids wherever they want to go whenever they want to go, and their kids just sleep wherever. Neither of my two did this. Mess with their nap times, and their whole day is messed up...
  • Babies and kids get sick. Often. And it's stressful! Handling two sick kiddies is tough enough, cannot imagine then dealing with a third.
  • A third child would mean having to get a bigger car. I like my car that I have right now, thank you very much!
  • Baby's day naps are so unpredictable.  One day she'll have a two-hour nap, the next day, just half an hour.  It makes it difficult to plan things, it often happens just as I start a specific task, that she wakes up.
  • I have two arms - one to put around each girly. I have enough space on my lap for two of them to sit.  I would hate one child to be feeling left out!
  • Schools are expensive... As are extra-mural activities. Enough said.
  • The week that Ella turned one, I felt a literal feeling of fog lifting... As fast as the baby stage goes, and as many precious and awesome moments as there were... as much as I mourn packing away the 6-12 months clothes... That much I'm also glad we're through it!

Well, that's all I've got right off the top of my head, but I'm sure I'll be back to edit this post and add things in!

So, to answer my own question as to what I'm going to do with myself three years from now, when both my daughters are old enough to keep themselves occupied for hours on end, I will be:

  • Reading. Oh, how I miss to read!
  • Having wonderful conversations with my two girls, instead of having to constantly say, "I'll be with you in a moment, the baby needs me..."
  • Be able to go places at whatever time of day and not wait for a baby to first have a nap or have to wake up.
  • Hopefully have more time to work in my salon and earn a bit more of an income than I'm currently managing
  • Be able to just get in the car and go somewhere and not have to take nappies, snacks, juice, toys...
  • Drive in the car without listening to or singing nursery rhymes
  • Wear hoop earrings or long earrings as I wish!
  • Revel in not having to buy nappies or formula milk.
  • Use both hands to do things and not have to struggle with only one hand, as I'm holding baby on the hip with the other!

I love my two girlies with my whole heart.  More than I can express in words. They fill my world with colour, love and laughter and happiness. There's nothing I love more than being with them, cuddling them, kissing them, staring at their beautiful faces.

My family is perfect and complete. ♥


  1. Loved reading your post, Jess - it hits home here with me as I agree on so many of the things you wrote about... but one point you have put beautifully "I have two arms - one to put around each girly" - that's just perfect - one arm to hold each child!. Ooooh eh eh I think we should save our broodiness for future nieces and nephews, and eventually grandbabies! :-p xx

    1. Thanks for reading Debs! YES, I agree, save our broodiness for future nieces and nephews and grandbabies, aaaw!!!

  2. While I totally adore my 3 (we planned 2 - number to was a set of spontaneous twins) it is great to get some of your tie back as they grow older and its wonderful to move to other phases

    1. I hear you, it is great to move to other phases - so far I find each phase has it's own challenges, but communication makes it easier for me to handle than the baby phase!

  3. Have been thinking long and hard about a 2nd... but geez I had forgotten how hard babies are!!! Maybe 1 is enough for us!

    So glad that you feel complete with your two beautiful girlies, they are perfect and you all make a wonderful family. Loved this post. xx

    1. Aw no, don't let my ramblings put you off! Layla will be such a cutie-pie big sister!

      Thanks for reading!

  4. Lovely post. Some days I feel so complete with just my son. Other days I think 2 would be nice.

    1. Thanks for popping by! Two is definitely nice, I like that they'll always have each other!


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