I want to blog about these difficult times too - things aren't always all smiles and fun and happy moments... and these hard times form part of the memories, and I know that it becomes a blurred memory in time, but being right in the middle of it, man, it's tough!!
I did a blog post about Ella's sleep here, when she was almost a year old. Now, at 15.5 months, it is still very much hit and miss! She has spoilt me with a few nights of sleeping through the night, and oh gosh, did that give me a taste of how wonderful it could be... but mostly she's been back to the average of waking twice a night - and then at 4am she refuses to lie down again, so she comes into bed with me. Sometimes she sleeps again then, and sometimes she doesn't... But I'm all out of fight!
Then, since last weekend, it got worse again - she was waking between 4 and 6 times a night, and sometimes staying awake for hours on end. (The worst one being while we had visitors here, she woke at 23h30, and when, at half-past-midnight I still couldn't get her to sleep, I marched downstairs letting all the visitors hear her screaming over the monitor and switched the music off and marched back upstairs without saying goodbye... Not my finest moment, but yeah, gosh, help. Haha!)
Last week passed in a sleep-deprived haze, I literally felt like my brain was foggy and fuzzy. Got to bed before 9pm most nights, only for the pajama drill to start half an hour later.
Previously I mentioned how I can't sleep well when she's in bed with me, but I've actually passed that stage now, and am just relieved to bring her into our bed so that I can get 2 hours of sleep! Forming habits I have always been against, but hey, just doing what works...
Then, this weekend we went to the inlaws in the Free State. Ella was so clingy and only wanted me to hold her, she would scream blue murder if anybody else tried to pick her up! In the mornings, when we usually would take Ella to mom-in-law so that we can sleep in a bit, she just cried and cried until she was back in my arms again. Some really hectic separation anxiety going on!
I do my best to just go with the flow, most of the time. Hold her, cuddle her, reassure her. It's a stage, it will pass, and before I know it she'll be sleeping through the night (gosh, hopefully!!!) and not sleeping in my arms anymore...
But last night I just burst into tears, after she woke up at 23h30 and I just couldn't get her back to sleep, my back is so sore from the way I have to lean over into her cot to keep her lying down, and just when I think she's asleep and I start to leave the room, she looks up, sees I'm not there and starts crying again. I was literally on my knees with my head against the cot. Finally got her to stay asleep at 1am. Then she proceeded to wake again at 2am, 4am and 5am. Can you say zombified mama?
She's got 12 teeth, and her gums are super swollen, so guessing the eye teeth are on their way. Hope it doesn't take weeks and weeks like the damn molars did...
Ai shame, little baba. Looking at this pic now, I feel bad for the times I'm all like, "go the f#ck to sleep now"... She's only this little for such a short while, even though it feels like an eternity when we're in the moment!
I will sleep again... For now, if mama's arms is what she needs, mama's arms is what she gets.